


Confirmed Bachelor

by Dispatches (orphan_account)



Category: Jeeves & Wooster
Genre: Community: lgbtfest, Epistolary, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-10
Updated: 2010-05-10
Packaged: 2017-10-09 09:38:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/85796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Dispatches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the prompt: "Jeeves and Wooster: Bertie Wooster/Reginald Jeeves. It's the 60's, and Bertie's teenaged niece finds out that her kindly and eccentric uncle and his valet are slightly more than that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confirmed Bachelor

_From the diary of Laetitia Scholfield_

 

24th of July, 1967

Mummy is unbearable! Insists that if I want to go to university in London, I must stay with Uncle Bertie, who is half as old as Time and about as stupid as it's possible for a human being to be. She seems to think that having to live with an elderly relative will curb my rebellious instincts. Ha! Old Bertie wouldn't notice if I hid the Beatles in my bedroom, the Black Panthers in the kitchen, and the CND in the cupboard under the sink.

His man Jeeves might, though. God, what a bloody anachronism. A manservant, in this day and age! Anyone would think it was 1867, not 1967. Even Daddy didn't replace Jenkins when he retired. He said it was because of the expense, but I know better: he was embarrassed. Nobody has butlers nowadays.

I'll have to find a way around Jeeves. Family legend has it that he's some sort of domestic genius; perhaps I can get him on my side somehow.

I'm taking the train this evening, to be there in time for supper. I haven't telephoned, which will no doubt make both Uncle Bertie and Jeeves think me terribly ill-mannered, but it will give me the advantage of surprise.

Later --

Well! So much for "the advantage of surprise". Did Mummy telephone ahead when she saw my note? Whether she did or not, Jeeves didn't even twitch an eyebrow, and Uncle Bertie was entirely unruffled. Blast. Still, I'm staying here for a week, supposedly to get my feet wet in the London pond before diving in headfirst come October, so I have time to find a weakness I can exploit.

There must be something. Uncle Bertie may be a fool, but he's hardly an innocent. I'll find the portrait in his attic, one way or another.

 

25th of July, 1967

Now that I've seen him by daylight, I have to admit that Uncle Bertie isn't quite as elderly as I'd thought. I'd forgotten he was Mummy's younger brother. The last time he came to visit, he seemed so absent-minded and doddery that I took him for an old man, but now I come to think about it, he can't be a day over 60, since Mummy is 61 (although she claims to be 55, ha ha).

He's never married, and I've heard lots of stories about the times he fell head-over-heels for one woman or another, and even got engaged, but then had to back out when she -- the fiancée, that is -- fell for another man. It makes one wonder. So many women coming so close to marrying him and then heading off at the last minute? There's a secret there. And I'll root it out.

 

26th of July, 1967

Oh my goodness.

Found the secret. Can't write it down here. Too dangerous.

Can't think. Can barely breathe. Can't believe I can write, but apparently I can.

To think that Uncle Bertie -- !

Does Mummy know? She mustn't. I must tell her. It'll cause a scandal, but how can I not tell her?

 

27th of July, 1967

Spoke to Jeeves and now feel thoroughly ashamed of myself. What a rebel I thought I was, and what a stupid bloody conformist I really was, underneath it all! And what old fossils I thought they both were -- and they are, too, but not in every way.

On the positive side, think Uncle Bertie just as keen for me to live on my own as I am. As is Jeeves, obvs. I needn't have worried -- Jeeves will take care of it.

 

_From the diary of Reginald Jeeves_

24th of July, 1967

Mrs Scholfield telephoned to inform Mr Wooster that her youngest daughter, Laetitia (known in the family as "Tish" or "Tish-tosh") will be coming to stay this evening. Given the lack of notice, I surmised that this visit was Miss Laetitia's idea, which deduction was confirmed by Mrs Scholfield's harassed tone of voice, although her choice of words was admirably circumspect. I cannot help suspecting that Mrs Scholfield will be glad to have a few days without the duty of keeping young Miss Laetitia out of mischief; the younger generation are so rebellious these days.

I passed the news on to Mr Wooster, who was a little apprehensive. I assured him that a few simple precautions should make Miss Laetitia's stay short -- without any dangers for any of us. Mr Wooster was not much comforted by this, and so I reminded him that Mrs Scholfield had intimated that she greatly desired for Miss Laetitia to lodge with us during her time at university, and this preliminary visit presented an excellent opportunity to nip such plans in the bud. At this, Mr Wooster cheered up considerably.

 

Later --

Miss Laetitia has arrived. Despite an air of breezy indifference, I detected an underlying hostility which served to confirm my suspicions: Miss Laetitia does not much favour her mother's plans, and intends to find some way of "getting one over" on me -- having apparently dismissed Mr Wooster as an insignificant obstacle to her doing exactly as she pleases.

I am pondering how best to deal with this situation. There is an obvious solution, but the possible consequences could be dire if I have misread Miss Laetitia's character. I must observe her acutely over the next few days.

 

25th of July, 1967

As I had thought, Mr Wooster was easily prompted into regaling Miss Laetitia with tales of ladies to whom he had been engaged. Miss Laetitia reacted much as I had predicted. With caution, I will proceed to the next step of the plan.

 

26th of July, 1967

May have moved too quickly. Am I losing my touch? I was so sure I had correctly assessed Miss Laetitia's psychology: her need to rebel against her parents' beliefs is typical of her generation. And yet... she seemed as shocked as her mother would have been.

I must speak to her, and soon. If I have miscalculated as badly as I fear, Mr Wooster's relations with his sister may be in jeopardy, not to mention his standing in society. I have no fears for myself; my family are all dead by now, and I am secure in Mr Wooster's affections and content with his company. But if he were to be, for instance, expelled from the Drones club, although I am sure he would attempt to make light of it, it would be a heavy blow.

(Thanks be to God and Lord Wolfenden that the law seems set to change; the utmost penalty will no longer apply for either of us.)

 

27th of July, 1967

All going according to plan. Mr Wooster very cheerful. Miss Laetitia quite charming.

Have moved my toiletries back into the master bedroom.

 

_From the letters of Bertram Wilberforce Wooster_

31st of July, 1967

Dear little Tish-Tosh,

There was no need for the note. I had a jolly old time, and if Jeeves loomed and glowered a bit, that's hardly unusual for him. I rather think he doesn't approve of the existence of anyone under the age of 35 nowadays. They will keep writing angry letters to the Times about how the servant class is an anachronism; it wounds his professional pride.

I understand that you won't be staying chez nous come October? Probably I ought to have had a bolt attached to that door a long time ago, but you know me: head like a sieve at the best of times. Though, now I come to mention it, it's odd that Jeeves never thought of that. Still, after thirty-odd years of having him look after me, I have learned not to question his ways.

Love to Felicity and your sisters. I remain, as ever,

Your doting,

Uncle Bertie.

[end]

**Author's Note:**

> The "Lord Wolfenden" Jeeves refers to was the author of the 1957 Wolfenden Report which recommended the decriminalization of homosexual relations between men in the UK; the report was finally implemented in 1967, with the passing of the [Sexual Offences Act](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_Offences_Act_1967). The Act received Royal Assent on the 28th of July, 1967.


End file.
